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Real Stories of True People, Who Kind of Looked Like Monsters​.​.​.

by oso oso

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1.
your hands were cold, sitting on a crowded back deck but you never felt so alone, so out of touch, so far from home. and they can all ‘recollect you from somewhere they forget’. and you dont know how to guide the highs and lows, well when it all folds in on itself, you gotta cushion the fall. and when its all folded in on itself, atleast you know who to call... yea i talked big game, couldnt back it up. closed eyes, but i couldnt swing hard enough... you start to think your brain took too long and you said it all wrong, when you said nothing at all. and it seems you did it again, you pushed them away when you needed a friend. and tell yourself maybe its best if you dont call or leave a message, cause you know, but you dont. you gotta not be so scared besoscaredbesoscared. and i watched you blossom. i know where your from. i knew who we were. and i just dont know what we’ll become. i watched you blossom. i know where your from. i knew who we were. but i just dont know what we’ll become.
2.
well do you just confuse me for the sake? dont worry, im just kidding, i never thought that youd stay. theres a fine printed line in the love that we sell, and a little web of truth in those lies that i tell so tell me what your thoughts were when you ran away and i climbed all those trees, your familiar hiding place. and i stumbled upon you on some stranger’s lawn you said “either way i get the short end of the straw, i mean, what are my options? its grass or cold cement isn’t it?” i never found a moment to confront or really hold that conversation so i let it go, read your vibe, tried to flow with it. i left and got with away with it... but that cant be true, cause somethings still missing and what if its you? there's a price to pay isnt there? the love heres not free, not everyone gets a share. so water your options, its cold grass or wet cement isn't it? i never found a moment to confront or really hold that conversation so i let it go. read your vibe, tried to flow with it. i left and got with away with it...
3.
i bet you feel a little sad, are you a little bit angry? you know im always late, just promise you dont hate me? i guess im just a tad irresponsible with all this inconsistent push and pull, to gauge the weight of things i say is nearly impossible… and it was just another mountain to climb with variables, and you, if youd known exactly what to do- you wouldve, you couldnt. and it was just another night, the way it looked on the edge of the light, a memory, a feeling of a time when i felt fine. i’ll pack it up and i’ll go home, cause im never gonna win and i dont know if you’re ever gonna let me in. are you ever gonna let me in on whats happening? and there’s this kid this is the song i never gave him, i wrote a fast one i never thought he’d want a slow one. always got some problem, i hate to say it but it takes one to know one and i am in the same boat, and its leaking from different holes, and i am of that same note, i wait patiently, it implodes. and it was just another mountain to climb with variables, and you, if youd known exactly what to do- you wouldve, you couldnt. and it was just another night, the way it looked on the edge of the light, a memory, a feeling of a time when you felt fine. you’ll pack it up and you’ll go home, because you’re never gonna win and you dont know, if you’re ever gonna find the right friends? or the right girl? its not living, this cycle. its hard to believe what im never gonna see and accept all the things that i’ll never be. found an old photograph of you and me from some day that we spent laying out on the beach. and with every photo i have to look underneath cause nothing is ever as it seems, you know what i mean? like i didnt smile, cause i forgot to breathe, too consumed with the thought that we’d have to leave..
4.
come with me to the liquor store,we’ll pick up one, pick up one more and drink until we fall asleep, wake up, grab a bite to eat. and there we can discuss the terms of your departure, no return. and i’ll zone out deep in my eggs, dissecting every word you said: “well could you ever really be with someone undone like me?” (it all makes sense, it all slows down.) then she counts to ten to re-assess the feelings felt were all miss-steps. (it all grows tense, it all burns down.) i kissed your lips when we were kids, penetrated through your skin to touch your heart, i felt it beat, still got that red blood on my sleeve. then i grew old and you grew tired, the wheels kept spinning with flat tires and i didnt eat, and you didnt sleep, and i didnt dream, and you couldnt breathe. you said: “could you ever be something defined as ‘happy’?”(it all makes sense it all slows down) then she counts to ten to re-assess the feelings felt were all miss-steps. (it all grows tense, it all burns..) well i know where you’ve been hiding all those secrets that you keep writing down in that diary you keep underneath where we sleep. its just like dying, but the words wont come out. believe me, you’re gonna say “holy shit, there’s an undiscovered side of me” ......i know where you’ve been hiding
5.
well they shot the messenger, but the message never was quite what he intended. and he made a mess of her, felt the intent was misread, poorly digested, and he’s just waiting for this whole thing to fall... and shes not quite sure how this all happened, he writes his number on a paper napkin, says “its just one date”, trying to save face, trying to probe all the things he lacks. but she just waiting for those old feels to fade... she says “oh no, i cant believe it again, i tried ‘it’ on and im so, so(oh so) tired of everything” why do i, why do i want to live on your wall? and i won’t change that dial, cause you’re my evening news: showing me the world’s abuse. and im not quite sure how this all happened. i used to feel, now im just acting. i made a mistake. you made a complaint. i kept my mouth shut all out of restraint. and now im just waiting for this whole thing to fade away... i cant believe it again, i tried ‘it’ on and im so, so (oh so) tired of everything.
6.
Josephine 03:54
josephine: seven years older, was caught off guard when you asked me to come over. not really sure what we were hanging out for, i heard you talking in the hall so i listened through the door just trying to get a grasp on the etiquette. if you keep touching my knee should i kiss you on the lips? never really played with fire like you, im like some building burning down, i feel me coming unglued. oh i really want to be the one who gets to know you better than anyone else, it beats talking to myself. or is that selfish? i dont want to sound too helpless or demented, i cant help it. kept trying to talk but you were getting caught up, you admit that you probably shouldnt have smoked that much. she says “can we just lie here and find a way to kill some time here?” you started coming and reminisce about the past, i could see it your eyes, i could tell you want it back. she says “ he used to call me ‘baby’, now he just thinks im crazy and all i want is a moment with someone where i dont have to be anything for anyone, but myself........its like we all build our own hell’s...” oh i really want to be the one who gets to know you better than anyone else, it beats talking to myself. or is that selfish? i dont want to sound too helpless or demented, i cant help it. so foolish, i was so tamed. how you called, and i came, have you ever ran at something head first, and then crawled away?
7.
Interlude 03:12
you never knew just what it costed: living like a child, suffocating like a hostage. how could you know? and you tried to the fight ‘em, but they wouldnt have it, sent you to college where you picked up those habits and im not sure, that there's a cure for those feelings you feel, those deads feelings you’re feeling inside. and don't ever tell, even when they ask. he’s a pillow for your head while your laying on your back and you know, which ones to take fast and to take slow. you made it a point to destroy the order, filling up your bong with their holy water, ‘gotta find a way to get back, without falling on your face flat. and it moves faster than you ever thought it would, faster than you thought it should... the tide is rising, its gonna carry gonna you away and negate all those half hearted things you used to say. like how you’ll never, you’re never gonna fall in love because you’ll never, you’re “never gonna get enough”
8.
Easy Way Out 03:30
i hit a parked car, sped off immediately. so i know karma has got her sights set on me, but i could care less, was making progress, now thats a product of the past. im just that insecure laugh, that you let out when youre trapped and feel like you cant get out. (ha ha) (ha ha ha) but i couldnt figure you out, sensed the faith wasn’t stronger than the doubt. i flew too close to the sun and burnt out. i just figured you were my easy way out. and she says all my problems, are in my head, so the only way to solve them, is if im dead. its the only solution, the only distribution of the wealth is “how much can you spend on yourself?” oh, were you too late? everyone found their new drug, they feel great. but i couldnt figure you out, sensed the faith wasn’t stronger than the doubt. i flew too close to the sun and burnt out. i just figured you were my easy way out. so where are you gonna be tonight? cause im coming through to keep you company, if that’s alright. wanna say im sorry for all the nights i froze up and left at four through your door. can we put that in the past, i just wanna talk, i just wanna hear you laugh and say “did it let up? i know you fell down...you can still get up” but i couldnt figure you out, sensed the faith wasn’t stronger than the doubt. i flew too close to the sun and burnt out. i just figured you were my easy way out.
9.
im a rat in a trap. and thats that, im the monkey on your back. i wanna go home, cause im feeling alone and everyones looking down at their phones.can you tell me what the fuck happened in the years that went by that i spent napping? it happens, and you cant subtract them. i never party but somehow im always at them late, and im gonna get drunk fast and withhold my name, and than i’ll walk right past the doorway i came in, the room you felt alone in, another irish goodbye, another social sin. introverted like this, then you’re on the verge of a break-an anxiety crisis. but then you didnt seem to silent, kind of alive, so i figured you’d be alright and made a break to another room, there was a mess of the stuff they needed another vacuum. i never felt so cheap, i always felt so used, now i feel so weak and late. and i got drunk fast, and withheld my name, i tried to walk right past, the room that you were in, the room i fell in love in. another tragic hello, another beginning. and i know what they say “you gotta keep yourself protected” like loves just some selfish game where i always let them win
10.
remember when i said its gonna take some time? and now here i am, oh god, what a lie. i dont fall for every word you speak, but i let you in so easily, and i faultered at the part where you said you “hated (idontknow)” ....but you hated.
11.
waking up to your voice, such a pretty noise,couldn't believe you didnt wake up with some other boy. im the last pick of all your draft picks, lining up my words so theyre all cleverly crafted but you, you can see right through. and she thinks love’s this “sick little disease that attacks you” but i could fall deep in it every day if i had to.with you its so easy to drop all the things i had to do, oh its fine, never a waste of my time; i want a love where we stop going to church cause its boring, and sleep in on all those sunday mornings. the sun would creep in through the blinds, we would hide, underneath the sheets trying to find, one million ways to kill the time. but i never really know what you're thinking about,and i know ill never really figure it out, and all experience ever does is confirm my doubt,i wasnt convinced that i'd ever really come around. and its funny hows life goes, you know? likes there's just shit i dont need anyone to know: like, this girl out there, somewhere, i dont know,but i wonder all the time if she ever misses the snow. and all these i cant push out of my mind, like these visions of 100 twisted ways i might die. the view from there was kinda nice, action was kinda slow. again, these are things i dont need anyone to know..... ‘i cant believe i thought i was safe in my most crooked shape, most vulnerable place.....and all that time i was hangin’ on your shelf, i was just running away from getting to know myself’

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released June 9, 2015

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oso oso Long Beach, New York

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